So You Know

As surprised as I am that I haven’t published this poem yet, I understand. This one came from such raw pain. I wrote it immediately after “I Wasn’t Always Mute” when I was waiting for a phone call from my dietetic internship director to scold my internship partner and me. I questioned everything in those moments. My future profession, my choice of internship, and most importantly, if my hardships would be worth it. Man… I feel the desperation simply in my handwriting. I still wonder if I made the best choice… Over a year later, I still don’t know.

 

October 26, 2018

Go Home.

I don’t want this.

Isn’t that simple?

Don’t want.

Don’t do.

 

I. am. a. fool.

Just someone else’s fool tool.

I drown

like a sad clown

In my own pool.

 

Why am I here?!

and in my eyes tears?

I feel…

that wasn’t the deal.

 

I want to be selfish

not this

I want to be happy

not this

I want to help others

but, maybe, not like this.